rice
I had this phone conversation the other day that reminded me that I can deal with so much more shit than I’ve got going on now and still survive. I made almost no money when I lived in Sacramento and somehow I managed to get by. The conversation somehow ended up on money and I was saying that I don’t really have any right now and that all I do have is going to making sure all my bills get paid on time, balances get paid down, and other shit that makes me feel more like an adult than I really want to right now.
Actually, I think it came up because I said I made enough rice to last me the week because I don’t have much in the way of groceries. Rice is fucking cheap and goes for days. My friend laughed at me saying I’m always eating rice and that she remembered that when I lived in Sac I was always eating rice then too. Which, in turn made me say, well yeah because I’m always fucking broke. I live okay on a small salary and I’m a student and I pay all my bills and stay away from crazy credit debt (as best I can). So if it’s rice I got, it’s rice I’ll eat.
Herein lies the memory lane trip. I remembered months in Sacramento when my stupid, arrogant, and much more brave twenty-two-year-old self was living in a tiny apartment, walking everywhere, and for the most part scraping by on about half as much money as I make now. I did shit then and I had less to go on. I remembered literally surviving three weeks at a time between paychecks on $12 without having a credit card. I drove to and from work and let the car sit otherwise. I walked for entertainment and exercise. I read a lot more, which is saying something because I read a lot now. And despite some really shitty occurrences during my time there, I was generally happy.
To make shit simple: I need to nut up and shut up. I’m doing okay right now. Way fucking better than I was six years ago. I need to find that twenty-two year old and give her a high-five after I tell her she’s going to make a comeback.
I watched Capitalism: A Love Story this morning while I had my coffee. I’m not a Michael Moore junkie-true believer, but the dude is great at what he does and makes some seriously valid points about this country’s attitude towards money, consumerism, greed, and all around apathetic demeanor.
I bring it up because even though I definitely do not have much, even I someone whose political beliefs are fundamentally opposed to most conservative, capitalist ideologues get caught up in how much I make, how I live, and what I think I need. That little silly conversation about rice just reminded me that I really don’t need much more than what I’ve got. I just have to know how to use it.